Funny story…

Warning:  Put down the glass you’re drinking from, sit up straight and make sure you are not chewing or swallowing anything that could be a potential choking hazard.  Now continue reading…

And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.

This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I “just bought new towels“. Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.

Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“.   And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.

Knock-knock, motherfucker

To continue reading this (and believe me it gets crazy funnier), click the top headline.  Shame the bitch lives in Texas.

DuPage Medical Group …once again

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, please search for DuPage Medical Group in  previous posts.  This is obviously a wonderful, caring company with high professional standards. – snort-

Man accused of operating on dog loses health care job

Staff report 2:47 p.m. CDT, June 21, 2011

A man accused of operating on his pet Doberman while drunk has lost his job as a top administrator for a large network of doctors in DuPage County.

Stewart Gibbs, 44, had been director of cardiovascular services for the DuPage Medical Group. Late Sunday night, he was arrested after telling police he had tried to remove a cyst from under the dog’s right ear. Police say he “apppeared highly intoxicated.”

On Monday, the doctors’ group said Gibbs worked as an administrator there. Today, it released a statement saying Gibbs “is no longer an employee of DuPage Medical Group.”

It added, “Mr. Gibbs is not a licensed physician and was not employed by DuPage Medical Group in a medical capacity.” The group declined further comment.

Gibbs’ landlord had gotten a call Sunday night from other tenants in his River North building who said water was leaking into their apartments from the ceiling, according to prosecutors.

The landlord knocked on Gibbs’ door, received no response and let himself in, police said. Gibbs ran toward him, naked and covered in blood, prosecutors said. The landlord also saw a blood-soaked towel in the apartment before he left to call police.

Officers arrived about 10 p.m. and were met at the door by Gibbs, whose hands were covered in blood and who “appeared highly intoxicated,” according to a police report.

Gibbs let the officers in, and they found blood on the floor and walls of the hall, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. They also found the Doberman, named Foley, with a wound under its right ear, police said.

Gibbs told the officers he had been using a butcher knife to remove a cyst from under the dog’s ear, and he had turned on the water in the bathtub to clean up the dog, according to police and prosecutors.

Gibbs told officers he had been drinking at Trump Tower earlier in the evening, returned to his apartment, had a half-bottle of wine and “proceeded to perform surgery” on his dog, according to a police report.

Gibbs did not claim to be a veterinarian but told officers he was a cardiologist, police Officer John Mirabelli said. There is no state license information on Gibbs being a physician.

Foley was taken to an emergency veterinary center for treatment, authorities said. He is now in the care of Chicago Animal Care and Control, officials said.

At least the dog is OK.

Wags RR wording change

I’ve been reading and hearing lots of gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair over additional wording showing up on the latest Register Rewards:  Redeemable Only At Walgreens.  At first glance I admit that I lost it, too.  First we lose the price spread on catalina promotions, then wine tags…now RRs couldn’t be used at Jewel!  Pay retail!  Not on this Goddess’ watch.

I believe that this is purely a sneaky marketing tool.  How many of you were unaware that you could use these little bits of paper as cash at Jewel due to the marvelous “manufacturer coupon” wording on the top?  Everyone, right?  Most people are unaware of this, so they’re trying to fool the newbies who’ve started watching Extreme Couponing and want to get all their groceries for free!  They’ve heard and read that they can use Register Rewards at Jewel (and previously at Dominicks).  Newbies just don’t bother reading official coupon policies.  In fact, Jewel’s corporate policy states (in part):

The following coupon types are accepted by Jewel-Osco:

1. Any coupons that do not scan or do not have barcodes should be checked for validity of expiration date and purchase requirements MANUFACTURER COUPONS:
Manufacturer Coupons are coupons issued by the manufacturer containing:
“Terms of agreement” (legal paragraph ‘To The Retailer’)
Face value
Expiration date
Verbiage “Manufacturer Coupon.”
Have a barcode. We do not accept expired Manufacturer Coupons or coupons that have had the expiration date cut off. If in doubt, call your manager.

NOTE: Jewel-Osco and other retailers issue coupons such as printed ad media coupons that are manufacturer coupons and contain the words “redeemable only at their retailer (e.g. Dominick’s, Walgreens) this type of coupon is redeemable at Jewel-Osco as long as the coupons states “Manufacturer Coupon”.

So there you have it, folks.  According to Jewel, these new RRs are exactly the same as the old ones:  they won’t beep or cause any problems whatsoever – I’ve used them this past week.  I would recommend that you print out this policy and take it with you if you are shopping at an unfriendly to couponers store…although why you’d want to give them your money in the first place doesn’t make sense to me…

Father’s Day Gift Suggestions

Apparently I’ve been slacking on my weird Amazon deals, so let’s get cracking, ok?

First up is this 6 Pack Beer Holster Belt – Camo, the perfect way to show you care, especially if you team it up with this Mullet Wig.  Purty, ain’t he?  Also comes in other shades.  And you really have to add some of this liquid ass to reach that sweet-smelling top note.

 

But enough of that.  Your guy is way more classy than that, right?  He needs leather!  So give him this Black Leather Beer Holster and show him how you really feel about him.

Need a little something extra to throw into the box, just so he knows how much you appreciate his constant “advice”?  How about the Bullshit Button?

If you need a laugh, click on any of these links and see where they take you…almost as much of a black hole time waster as POW.

Greetings to all functional illiterates

Does this post look familiar?

DOUBLE-DIP REACH WORKS!  You get  a $3 RR AND a $1 from the national catalina deal.

I’m updating the Reach section because the current RR is part of a national catalina and ends 6/12.  The new $3 promotion is a Wags one and starts on 6/5.  So……is there a chance for a double-dip?  While it appears so, there’s no way of knowing until the second one starts on the 5th.  I do know that the new promo will not work using the el cheapo crystals.

OK, now what part of Crystals won’t work are you having difficulty with?  Stop screwing around so I can eliminate the phone calls I’m getting.  Keep it up and I will be thrilled to name names.  you really don’t want to go down that path, peeps.

All the news that fits….

Lawyer charged with prostitution – pleads not guilty

Lawyer charged with prostitutionAttorney Reema Bajaj, 25, of Sycamore. (Police photo)

By Clifford Ward, Special to the Tribune10:02 a.m. CDT, June 10, 2011

A young attorney who received her law license last year has been charged with prostitution, officials say.  Reema Bajaj, 25, of Sycamore, pleaded not guilty Thursday in DeKalb County, according to her attorney David Camic of Aurora.

Police say they were investigating another case when they found evidence that linked Bajaj to prostitution that occurred in August 2010. The alleged incident occurred within 1,000 feet of a school, which elevates the crime from a misdemeanor to a felony, said DeKalb police Sgt. Bob Redel.

Bajaj, a 2010 graduate of the Northern Illinois University Law School, would not have been a practicing attorney at the time. According to the Illinois Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Commission website, she was admitted to the bar in November.

    Bajaj also is charged with allegedly offering to perform a sex act last month with a man for $50, DeKalb County Assistant State’s Attorney Julie Trevarthen said.

    Bajaj faces two misdemeanor and one felony counts, officials said. She was charged May 31 and is free on bail after posting a $500 cash bond (approximately ten more sex acts…).

    It’s getting harder and harder to pay off student loans in this economy..

    And more from the FFFF files

    New Mexico billboard accuses woman of having an abortion

     (June 8, 201

    Santa Fe, New Mexico (Reuters) – A New Mexico man who said he was upset that his girlfriend had an abortion bought a highway billboard and accused her of killing their child.

    The billboard, in south-central New Mexico, shows 35-year old Greg Fultz holding the outline of a baby in his arms. It reads “This Would Have Been A Picture of My 2-month-Old Baby If the Mother Had Decided to NOT Kill Our Child!”

    Fultz’s ex-girlfriend calls the billboard harassment and invasion of privacy, and has taken him to court under the New Mexico Family Violence Protection Act. But Fultz says he’s exercising his First Amendment rights, said his attorney, Todd Holmes.

    “Citizens have the right to express their speech through any media and he chose a billboard,” Holmes told Reuters on Tuesday. “We feel a billboard fits within the First Amendment even if it’s offensive to some.”

    A petition filed by Fultz’ ex-girlfriend said that Fultz had a pattern of stalking and harassment, including posting “intimate cyber shots of me from one of our cyber dates,” she wrote. The domestic abuse petition also requested that the billboard be removed and online harassment stopped.

    An attorney for the ex-girlfriend could not be reached for comment on Tuesday.

    Fultz, who runs a computer services business, had the billboard put up in mid-May.

    In a hearing last week, a judge ordered the billboard to come down by mid-June. Holmes said he plans to file a motion to keep the billboard up, but he said his client is ready to face prison if necessary.

    “That’s how passionately he feels about protecting his free speech,” Holmes said.

    According to Holmes, when Fultz and his girlfriend, who was then 18, found out they were going to have a baby, she wanted to get married. Fultz refused, Holmes said, and during a church camping trip there was a “discussion about an ultimatum. Either you marry me or I’m not going to have this baby type of thing.”

    The girlfriend later flew to Wisconsin for work and when she returned she was no longer pregnant, Holmes said. She did not explain what happened, but Fultz suspected she had an abortion, Holmes said.

    “I know it’s her body,” Holmes said. “But his statement is more along the lines of ‘Hey, you know what? Dads have a decision in the process too.”

    New Mexico’s Right to Life Committee initially endorsed the billboard, but has withdrawn its support because it received a number of emails from people who said Fultz’ ex-girlfriend had a miscarriage, not an abortion, said executive director Dauneen Dolce.

    ================================

    OK, we have here a 35 year old creep whose 18 year old girlfriend got pregnant and wanted to get married.  Creep refuses and during a church camping trip tells him she’s not gonna have the baby then.   She (according to numerous emails) has a spontaneous miscarriage, but creep claims she had an abortion and gets his pecker in a panic, so he does what any normal guy would do:  Rent out a billboard proclaiming his right to life stand.  So, is his name really Greg Fultz or is that a typo for Putz…

    Wags – Sobe Alert

    While sorting through my RRs, I noticed that the new Sobe .99 ones state on them “Redeemable Only at Walgreens” which is distinct dis-improvement over the usual ones.  I’m having a hard time coming up with ways to use these, since Wags is looking to be a snoozer for the next couple of weeks (although unadvertised stuff pops up all the time).  I read on Wild for Wags that the Wet ‘N Wild products are 50% off the month of June, which makes for cheap fillers.  Some of the eye and lip liners are actually very nice.

    Monday’s All the News that Fits…

    we print.

    SMICKSBURG, Pa. — An Amish woman died as the result of an accident while doing laundry at home, the Indiana County Coroner’s Office said.The victim was identified as Ella D. Miller, 32, of Smicksburg, West Mahoning Township. She died Wednesday morning after suffering severe thermal burns on Monday morning, Coroner Michael Baker said.Miller had been heating some water in a large metal kettle with a wood fire underneath it. Her husband said she tried to increase the intensity of the fire by putting kerosene from a plastic container onto the flames, but it caused an explosion that caught her clothes on fire, according to the coroner.Miller was burned over almost her entire body and eventually died after family members and neighbors used “home remedies” to care for her, Baker said. State police from the Punxsutawney station are investigating, but Baker said there is no evidence of foul play.

    ===============================

    MILWAUKEE, WI — Police say a woman was driving drunk when she rolled her SUV on I-94 with eleven children inside the vehicle.

    The crash happened on Saturday after the 32-year-old woman crashed into a guard rail and rolled the vehicle on to its roof. She had eleven kids inside the vehicle at the time, ranging from ages 2 to 17 – eleven.

    The woman, mother of seven of the kids, was arrested on the scene after admitting to drinking alcohol prior to the crash and failing a field sobriety test. It was reported her blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit.

    No one died in the rollover, although the majority of the kids couldn’t have been secured; five of the children were taken to the hospital. The six remaining kids were turned over to relatives.

    In addition to the OWI charges for causing injury with a child under 16, police also want to charge the woman with felony recklessly endangering safety. “This is a good example of why I never believe that I’ve seen everything. This is crazy,” said Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke.

    =========================

    And on the local front…

    A 25-year-old Downers Grove man was charged with battery and felony retail theft after he was accused of loading up a shopping cart and trying to leave an area grocery store without paying for more than $200 worth of Red Bull energy drink, Downers Grove police said on Monday.

    William J. Wehrman, of the 5600 block of Woodward Avenue, was shirtless when he was arrested in the backyard of a residence in the 1000 block of 61st Street after 3 p.m. on June 4 – a short while after the man fled the store where a security guard tried to detain him, police said.

    The security guard for the grocery store, located in the 6200 block of Main Street, observed the man loading a shopping cart up with multiple 12-packs of the energy drink, a report states. As the security guard followed, he noticed the man was not headed to the check-out area, but rather navigated his cart toward a store exit, police said.

    As the man crossed the store’s threshold with the cart, the security guard identified himself and tried to detain the man, police said.

    The man eventually broke free after a struggle, abandoning the cart and the $213 worth of Red Bull in the store’s parking lot, a report states.

    Police were notified and dispatched to the scene.   During a scan of the area police observed Wehrman walking near the intersection of 61st Street and Lane Place, a report states. When officers tried to stop him for questioning he again fled and was arrested in the backyard of the residence, police said.

    Note:  This has to be the Jewel at 6215 Main Street in Downers Grove.

    ========================================================

    Jacksonville, FL — In November of last year, the Department of Children and Families received an anonymous tip that a Jacksonville family was allowing a registered sex offender to live in their home – a home that included three young children. DCF launched an investigation and made contact with the family, who reportedly told them Robert Goeing Young was sleeping on their couch, and there was no kiddy diddlin’ going on in the home.

    Fully aware of Young’s conviction, the child’s parents apparently took no issue with allowing him to stay in the home. “The parents said that he was a friend of the family,” DCF spokesperson John Harrell said.  “We continued our investigation.  We spoke with the children individually.  They said that nothing inappropriate had taken place in the home.”

    DCF then came up with a brilliant safety plan – Young was to have no unsupervised contact with any of the children at any time – a plan that both the parents and Young agreed to and signed. You know where this is going, right?

    In February, DCF received another phone call regarding the family. Believe it or not, there was some diddlin’ going on. Shocking, no? The oldest of the three children, a 9-year-old girl, told a DCF investigator that Young had given her a ring. That apparently set off a few red flags and Young was ordered out of the home.

    Subsequent interviews with the child revealed that she had been repeatedly molested by Young. What’s more, it appears as if her mother and grandmother knew of the sexual abuse and did jack shit to put a stop to it. The family actually allowed the bastard to sleep in the child’s bed. It gets worse….

    The girl’s mother told investigators she once saw Young groping the kid in her bed. The girl asked her mother for help, but mom ignored her pleas. Why? Because momma was banging Young and feared he would reveal the affair to her husband if she reported the alleged molestation. And just when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse….

    Police say grandma’s 39-year-old boyfriend was getting some action, too! He was arrested after authorities learned he had forced the child to fondle him.  He was the first to be arrested in the case, and has been charged with lewd and lascivious molestation of a child younger than 12.

    59-year-old Young was booked on charges of sexual battery, lewd and lascivious molestation and display of obscene material to minors. He remains behind bars without bail.

    Though the names and mugshots of the victim’s family are available elsewhere, I’d rather not identify them at this time. The girl’s 27-year-old mother is being held on charges of child abuse and neglect, as is mom’s 40-year-old husband. Grandma, 61, has also been charged with child abuse/neglect. She has already been released on bail.

    All three children have been placed in foster care.

    Many of the above stories were lifted from The Dreamin’ Demon, and, believe it or not, I cleaned up some language.

    news

    And more from the all the news that fits we print collection:

    Police: Woman facing 6th DUI came to court drunk

    Associated Press4:34 a.m. CDT, June 5, 2011

    An Elgin woman charged with DUI six times had her bail revoked this week after police say she came to court intoxicated.

    Authorities say 54-year-old Sandra Uher had been free on $100,000 when she was taken into custody.

    The Daily Herald reports she’s been sent to Cermak Hospital at Cook County Jail for evaluation.

    During her most recent DUI arrest in March, police say Uher failed a field sobriety test and had a preliminary blood-alcohol content of .30, nearly four times the legal limit for drivers.

    She was also driving on a revoked license.

    Uher has DUI convictions dating back to 1997. If convicted of the latest offense, she faces between six and 30 years in prison.

    ================================

    Drew Peterson Tired of Waiting On Appellate Judges and Wants Out of Jail

    Drew Peterson’s attorneys plan to file papers Monday morning to have their client sprung from jail while the appellate court figures out what it’s doing.

    By Joseph Hosey  June 3, 2011

    Drew Peterson was all set to stand trial on charges he murdered his third wife when State’s Attorney James Glasgow filed a last minute appeal of what hearsay evidence could be used against the disgraced former Bolingbrook cop.

    That was almost a year ago. The judges from the Third District Appellate Court still haven’t made up their minds about the appeal and Peterson was been locked up all the while. And now he wants out.

    Peterson’s legal team plans to file papers with the appellate court in Ottawa asking for the accused wife-killer to be freed while three judges mull over what to do with the prosecution appeal.

    “They’re FedExing it to Ottawa is what I understand,” said Charles B. Pelkie, the spokesman for the Will County State’s Attorney’s Office.

    “Our understanding is (Peterson’s lawyers) contacted the media to inform them that they plan to file this motion directly with the appellate court,” Pelkie said.

    Steven Greenberg, the attorney who argued against the prosecution appeal during an appellate court hearing in February, said he only saw the motion requesting Peterson’s release on Friday afternoon. Greenberg said the motion was crafted by Joel Brodsky, who has insisted he is Peterson’s “lead attorney” despite his increasingly diminished role in the case.

    Greenberg found no fault with the appellate court, but maintained that Peterson should be free during the appeal process.

    “I don’t think the appeal is taking an inordinate amount of time (but) he should be out,” Greenberg said.

    Greenberg also did not put much faith in Brodsky’s motion, as Greenberg himself already appealed to the Illinois Supreme Court.

    “They denied it,” Greenberg said.

    Peterson has been jailed since May 2009 on charges he murdered third wife Kathleen Savio. The state police also suspect Peterson may have killed his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson, who vanished in October 2007 and remains missing.

    Peterson is being held on a $20 million bond. His attorneys have appealed without success to have the bond lowered.

    First Born says Drew should be let out of jail because he’s not a danger to society – only to the women he marries…