All the news that fits…

Police: Man tried to pay for $476 of stuff at Walmart with $1M bill he insisted was real

By Associated Press

1:57 PM CST, December 31, 2011

LEXINGTON, N.C. (AP) — Do you have change for a million-dollar bill?

Police say a North Carolina man insisted his million-dollar note was real when he was buying $476 worth of items at a Walmart.

Investigators told the Winston-Salem Journal that 53-year-old Michael Fuller tried to buy a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other items. Store employees called police after his insistence that the bill was legit, and Fuller was arrested.

The largest bill in circulation is $100. The government stopped making bills of up to $10,000 in 1969.

Fuller was charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument. He is in jail on a $17,500 bond, and it isn’t clear if he has an attorney. He is scheduled to be in court Tuesday.

Goddess Note:  Forgery is signing someone else’s name to a document, uttering is the actual presenting of that document to someone else.  If you sign a stolen check, give it to me, and I cash it, you are guilty of forgery, and I am guilty of uttering.  Putting counterfeit money into circulation would also be considered uttering.

 and i feel great when I can just score overage at the Mart…

All the news that fits…II

warning:  this is totally weird-ass and just plain wrong and where to they find funding for this stuff?

Sex with animals may be tied to risk of penile cancer, study shows

By Jeannine Stein, Los Angeles Times / For the Booster Shots blog2:29 p.m. CST, November 16, 2011

Men who have sex with animals may have an increased risk of penile cancer, a study finds.

A recent case-control study published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Sexual Medicine focused on men who lived in rural areas of Brazil.

Researchers compared the health and sex habits of 118 penile cancer patients to 374 healthy men who served as the control group. Among all the study participants 34.8% reported having sex with animals. More men in the cancer group reported having sex with animals than the controls, 44.9% versus 31.6%. Penile cancer is cancer of the tissue of the penis.

As for the why sex with animals may increase the risk of penile cancer, researchers theorize that it may cause microtrauma to penile tissue, which could come in contact animal secretions that are potentially harmful to humans. The association between having sex with animals and penile cancer may also be indicative of lifestyle choices, since those who had sex with animals also had more sex with prostitutes, more sexual partners and  more sexually transmitted diseases than those who didn’t.

Since the study participants grew up in rural areas, they had access to animals. The average age of first contact with an animal was 13.5, and the average age of last contact was 17.1. Since sex with animals stopped around the same time the men started having sex with humans, researchers said these episodes wouldn’t necessarily constitute full-on zoophilia. Zoophilia entails not just having sex with animals, but also being sexually attracted to them and developing fantasies and obsessive urges about them as well.

Most men in the study — 62% — had sex with several animals and 38% used the same animal. Frequency and length of time varied: 14% had sex one time, while 39.5% had it weekly or more and 15% had in monthly. For about 80% of the study subjects the episodes lasted anywhere from a year to 26 years, but the average time was about four years.

As for the kinds of animals the men had sex with, mares were the most common, followed by donkeys, mules, goats, chickens, calves, cows, dogs, sheep and pigs.

CHICKENS!!!!!?????

Cheap Heinz ketchup

Heinz is offering TWO bottles with FREE shipping on their new balsamic vinegar ketchup:  $2.24.  Like them on Facebook and click on the “Balsamic Ketchup” tab on the left side bar.  That page shows “Place an Order” which you do.  Once you enter your zip code, your free shipping option appears.  Here is what Heinz says on their FB page:

We are happy to announce that our ordering system for Heinz® Ketchup with Balsamic Vinegar is up and running! As a special thank you to all our fans who have been so patient, for each order placed we will be offering free shipping and one free additional bottle now through 11:59 p.m. (EST) tomorrow, November 15th. Again, we thank you for your patience and excitement for Heinz® Ketchup with Balsamic Vinegar.

My advice?  Get it while you can.  My first thought upon reading this was “UGH!” but since ketchup uses white vinegar anyway, figured it would be a milder ketchup.  We’ll see. I already ordered mine:  $2.24 for two bottles – great deal!

credit to hiptosave

All the news that fits…

Can you believe it?  Two big stories in one day!  Life is good.  For those of you who were properly flummoxed or gob-swallowed by the divorce filing, a ray of hope (and a ratings booster, I should imagine – just call me a cynic who doesn’t understand the artistic temperament).

Kim Kardashian reconsidering divorce? Flies to Minnesota to see Kris Humphries

By Carina Adly MacKenzie

If you watched the Kim Kardashian “Fairy Tale” wedding special on E!, you know that the Princess of Calabasas is not a big fan of her ex-man Kris Humphries’ home in Minnesota. Still, cameras caught her in Minnesota on Sunday.

Reportedly, she hopped a last-minute red-eye flight to Minneapolis-St. Paul so that she and Kris could talk things over face-to-face. Sources tell TMZ, “Kim has been saying even before she filed for divorce that she wasn’t sure about ending the marriage… She was crying on and off last weekend before she decided to pull the trigger.”

She’s not in town for a reconciliation, though. Kim and Kris will go speak to the pastor who married them — who they flew out to Los Angeles for the wedding, if you recall — for a counseling session, where they’ll discuss their feelings about the marriage, the divorce, and just what went so wrong.

If this sounds like an episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardumphrians,” it’s not. Word is that Kim was not accompanied by any E! cameras and there are no plans to record any of her conversations with Kris.

That’s a refreshing change, no?

All the news that fits…

There has finally been a break in this 2009 Problem Solver case with Mark Geinosky receiving all those parking tickets – in the mail – for vehicles he no longer owned, were in the shop, etc.  His pleas to the Chicago Police Department, starting in 2007, had fallen on deaf ears; he was forced to take time off from work for each and every court appearance.   Geinosky believed these tickets could be traced back to someone dating his ex-wife.  Here’s the latest.

Problem Solver: Police cite 3 officers over fake tickets; man vindicated

Orland Park man’s complaint: Cops wrote a pile of bogus citations

Jon Yates’ “What’s Your Problem?”

November 7, 2011

For years, Mark Geinosky has steadfastly maintained that the mountain of parking tickets that arrived in his mailbox were bogus.

Turns out, the Chicago Police Department agrees.

More than two years after the Problem Solver first wrote about Geinosky’s case, Superintendent Garry McCarthy has moved to fire three police officers for allegedly issuing the Orland Park resident false tickets.

Officers Steven Sabatino, Horst Hegewald and Paul Roque have been suspended without pay pending a hearing before the Police Board, which will determine if they should be terminated.

Geinosky, who received some of the tickets even after he sold his SUV, said Friday he was shocked by the news.

“Wow,” he said. “It appears as if this administration — the city and the Police Department — aren’t going to try to cover up corruption like the last administration did.”

McCarthy also recommended a fourth officer, William Whelehan, be fired in connection with the parking ticket case. Sources say Whelehan was terminated last week for an off-duty altercation unrelated to Geinosky’s case.

The internal charges against the officers were filed with the Police Board on Sept. 26.

Attorney Daniel Herbert, who represents Roque and Hegewald, said his clients deny the allegations.

“They’re completely innocent of the charges,” Herbert said. “The tickets were not written by them.”

Sources said Sabatino is currently serving with the military overseas.

In a Friday email to the Problem Solver, Whelehan said he has fully complied with the Police Department in its investigation, which he called “misdirected and partial.”

“I want to be clear that I have never met Mark Geinosky, nor have I ever issued any parking tickets to Mark Geinosky’s vehicle(s),” Whelehan wrote. “In fact, after learning details of his complaint, I too, am sympathetic to his frustrations.”

For Geinosky it has certainly been a frustrating journey.

He began receiving the parking tickets in late 2007. Over the next 14 months, he accumulated 24 citations, all for infractions such as parking too close to a fire hydrant, obstructing the roadway or parking in a crosswalk.

Geinosky swore he had never been to the locations cited on the tickets, which were often desolate stretches of the South Side where legal parking was readily available.

None of the tickets was attached to his car. He found out about each when notifications arrived in the mail, sometimes in batches of three.

He fought all 24 tickets in administrative court and was able to get each one thrown out.

Despite his repeated victories in court, the tickets kept coming.

Convinced he was being harassed, Geinosky filed a complaint with the Independent Police Review Authority in September 2008. His complaint was forwarded to the police Internal Affairs Department, which promptly closed the case without investigation.

Frustrated, he emailed What’s Your Problem? in early 2009. The Problem Solver wrote about his case on Feb. 24, 2009, prompting the Police Department to launch a fresh internal investigation.

In the years since, readers frustrated with the pace of the probe inundated the Problem Solver’s mailbox, pleading for updates.

Geinosky, too, became discouraged.

In March 2010, he filed a federal lawsuit against several officers claiming they conspired with his ex-wife to “injure and get vengeance” against him. Geinosky’s ex-wife has denied any involvement in the tickets, and the lawsuit was thrown out by a federal judge.

That case is on appeal.

Repeatedly, the Police Department responded to inquiries from the newspaper by saying the case remained under investigation. Over the years, the Problem Solver wrote about Geinosky more than a dozen times.

In August, the department said it had reassigned five officers to desk duty and forwarded recommendations for disciplinary action to the city’s Law Department.

Geinosky remained skeptical, saying at the time he feared the case would continue to drag on for years.

When he heard about the latest developments Friday, he was elated.

“I’m very surprised,” he said. “I think it’s a great step forward in starting to restore my confidence in City Hall.”

In asking the Police Board to fire the four officers, McCarthy said each of the officers violated three department rules, according to documents filed with the board.

McCarthy said the officers engaged in conduct “which impedes the department’s efforts to achieve its policy and goals or brings discredit upon the department,” that they disobeyed an order or directive, and that they made false reports.

McCarthy’s description of the internal charges against the officers does not include a motive, but mentions specific instances in which each officer wrote tickets to Geinosky’s vehicle when, in fact, the vehicle was not at the described location.

In the case of Sabatino, McCarthy said the officer issued Geinosky a ticket on Dec. 1, 2008, for parking within 15 feet of a fire hydrant at 4749 S. Paulina St., “when in fact the vehicle was at a used car lot at Bill Kay Ford located at or near 14633 S. Cicero Avenue.”

McCarthy also alleges Sabatino “failed to notify a supervisor after discovering the loss of his assigned Violation Notice Citation book,” in violation of a department special order.

The recommendations to discharge the officers are signed by both McCarthy and Sarah Harris, assistant corporation counsel for the city.

A spokesman for McCarthy said the superintendent was unavailable to talk.

Pat Camden, spokesman for the Fraternal Order of Police, said his organization supports the officers.

“The union still believes there’s insufficient evidence to support dismissal,” he said. (italics mine, but remember, these are the same guys who interrupt your dinner to harass you for cash)

The Police Board has not set a hearing date for Sabatino, Roque, Hegewald or Whelehan.

Geinosky’s lawyer, Lawrence Jackowiak, said the move to terminate the officers gives more credence to the lawsuit.

“It gives us more confidence that our case will be reinstated, because a grave injustice was done here,” Jackowiak said. “This is an abuse of power that shouldn’t be tolerated.”

Copyright © 2011, Chicago Tribune

All the news that fits…

This article was published a few weeks ago.  The only thing crazier than substituting yogurt for Cool Whip is thinking you can do a switcheroo with french fries and sautéed tempeh (fermented rice and soy mixture) with no serious repercussions.

Give It Up: Top 10 Worst Foods
By Lisa Mosing, MS, RD, FADA, Special to LifeScript
Published October 21, 2011

More than half of all Americans say they’re in good or excellent health, according to a survey by Cigna HealthCare, a Philadelphia-based health care company.

The other half thinks they need to lose only about 10 pounds.

Yet, two-thirds of American adults are overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

The bottom line: Americans eat too much and exercise too little. And the calories we consume usually aren’t from nutritious, low-cal, high-fiber foods such as fruits and vegetables, or whole grains, or from healthy proteins such as lean meat and low-fat dairy foods.  Instead, we reach for artery-cloggers: processed cheese that squirts from a can, frosted pastries filled with sugary jam, snack bags of cookies or crackers and anything deep-fried.

But you don’t have to say no to them – that’ll only derail your healthy efforts. Instead, get to know the worst choices and their savory substitutes:

1. Chips

One ounce of potato chips has 152 calories and 10 grams of fat (three grams saturated).

If you eat just three ounces a week, in one year you’ll have consumed 23,400 calories and added about seven pounds to your waistline. And that’s from just a couple handfuls – which barely constitutes a full and satisfying snack for most of us.

Substitute
:

Rice and popcorn cakes are no longer Styrofoam-like snacks.

Now they’re available in many flavors, so you can satisfy a salty craving without hitting the chips.

Try Quaker’s Quakes Rice Snacks or Orville Redenbacher’s Popcorn Cakes instead – both have less than 100 calories per serving.

For a more exotic crunch, try dry roasted edamame, which are usually lightly salted and have a satisfying crunch. Thirty grams of the Trader Joe’s brand provides 14 grams of protein and 20% of your daily iron in only 140 calories.

2. Non-Dairy Toppings

As luscious as they are, Cool Whip and its kin are mostly corn syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil − stuff you don’t want floating in your arteries.

One tablespoon is 32 calories, but who stops at just one?

Substitute:

Top desserts with low-fat vanilla yogurt. The same amount has half the calories, plus a healthy dose of calcium.

3. Doughnuts

White flour, vegetable shortening, white sugar… and deep-fried to boot.

One glazed Krispy Kreme packs 200 calories and 12 grams of fat, including heart-stopping saturated fat, trans fat and cholesterol.

An old-fashioned cake doughnut has 300 calories, 28 grams of carbohydrates and a whopping 19 grams of fat, including 5 grams of saturated fat and 4 grams of trans fat.

Only 30% of our calories should come from fat, says the American Heart Association. That’s about 65 grams in a 2,000-calorie daily diet.

Nosh on a couple doughnuts with your coffee, and you’ve reached your daily fat quota.

Substitute:

Keep down the carbs with whole-grain bagels. Half a Pepperidge Farm multi-grain bagel has 125 calories, just 3 grams of fat and less than 4 grams of cholesterol-lowering fiber.

4. Fettuccine Alfredo

Strips of pasta drenched with butter, cream and parmesan cheese – what’s not to love?

How about its fat and calories! A 3-ounce serving (about the size of your fist) has 543 calories and 33 grams of fat (19 of which are saturated).

Substitute:

Request whole-wheat fettuccine with marinara sauce. One cup of whole-wheat pasta has 197 calories and almost 4 grams of fiber. And half a cup of marinara sauce has just 92 calories.

If whole-wheat pasta isn’t available, ask for spinach pasta instead – it’s popular and nutrition-rich.

5. Sausages

Whether you fry them for breakfast or boil ’em in beer, sausages are a health hazard.

A single pork link packs 217 calories and 19.5 grams of fat.

Substitute:

Chicken or turkey sausage. Five links of Aidell’s chicken apple sausage have only 100 calories and 8 grams of fat (2.5 saturated).

Or go vegetarian: Boca Italian sausage made from soy protein contains 130 calories in each 2.5-ounce serving, plus 6 grams of fat and 13 grams of lean protein.

6. Fried Chicken

A fried chicken breast has nearly 400 calories and 22 grams of fat. The Colonel wouldn’t be happy to hear this, but those platters of fried fowl have to go.

What do you expect when you batter and fry chicken, skins and all?

Substitute:

Grilled, skinless chicken breasts are finger-lickin’ good. Rub them with a fiery spice rub – try a green chile-lime seasoning – throw them on the barbecue, and you have great flavor for 189 calories per 4-ounce breast.

7. Imitation Cheese in a Can

Some people love this stuff.

But they ignore their protesting hearts: Two tablespoons – about the amount you’d put on two crackers – packs 276 calories and 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of which are saturated.

Substitute:

Go for the real thing. Soft cheeses like brie have about 100 calories an ounce.

Goat cheese is even better: One ounce has 76 calories and 5 grams of protein.

8. French Fries

One large order (6 ounces) of fast-food fries from a typical commercial restaurant contains roughly 570 calories, half of which are from fat. (That’s probably why we love them, and usually polish off the serving!)

If your restaurant order includes a large hamburger (such as Burger King’s Whopper), tack on 670 calories and 39 grams of fat.

Substitute:

Order kid-size fries instead, which have only 230 calories and 13 grams of fat.

At home, try sautéed tempeh, a fermented rice and soy mixture found in the refrigerated health-food section of your grocery store.

Just slice the tempeh, sprinkle with soy sauce, and sauté in a little olive oil until brown. A half cup – about three or four half-inch slices – contains only 197 calories.

And, unlike the starch-and-fat content of fries, tempeh is loaded with protein and offers a good source of iron, magnesium, zinc and vitamin B6.

9. Soft White Bread

You may as well have a candy bar.

A slice of white bread offers little more than 65 calories of white flour, a simple and rapidly digested carbohydrate that causes your blood sugar to rise and crash, like any simple sugar.

And, because it has so few nutrients, white bread leaves you feeling hungry for the fiber and vitamins your body needs.

Substitute:

For the same number of calories, a slice of whole-wheat bread offers nutty flavor, 2 grams of heart-healthy fiber, protein and nutrients like selenium, magnesium and potassium.

You can also substitute whole grain bagels, English muffins, scones, and muffins.
It’s the fiber that fills up your stomach so you eat less of it, too.

10. Fried Wontons

These delicate triangles, often filled with meat, shrimp or cream cheese, are deep-fried to a crispy crunch.

Often served as appetizers, these bite-size morsels seem harmless, but pop a few too many in your mouth and they’ve added up to a whole meal.

Unfortunately, just four crab and cream cheese-filled wontons have 311 calories and 19 grams of fat – too greasy a treat for anyone trying to stay fit.

Substitute:

For a little crunch, try brown-rice sesame crackers. Five have just 140 calories and 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of fiber and a hefty dose of calcium.

They’ll also satisfy that salty snack craving.

Great, now I have an uncontrollable urge to finish those two bags of Poppycock on top of the fridge…thanks nutjabberwocky.

All the news that fits…

Here’s a story about a some poor mope who can’t get a date…

Harper student charged with taping in bathroom

By Kate Thayer TribLocal reporter Yesterday at 4:03 p.m.
Christopher Byers is charged with videotaping in a Harper College women's bathroom. (Provided by Harper College)Christopher Byers is charged with videotaping in a Harper College women’s bathroom. (Provided by Harper College)

A 21-year-old Harper College student is charged with hiding in a bathroom stall and videotaping women on campus with his cell phone.

Christopher Byers, of Elk Grove Village, was arrested Wednesday after a woman reported he was using his cell phone to videotape in a women’s bathroom. He stands charged with one felony count of unauthorized videotaping, and was released Thursday after posting $200 bond.

Harper police found Byers in a stall inside a Building D bathroom on the Palatine campus after receiving the report, officials said. At that time, he admitted to officers he used his cell phone to videotape several women under the stall partition.

As a condition of Byers’ bond, a judge ordered he cannot return to Harper’s campus, according to Harper spokesman Phil Burdick.

School administrators are waiting for a full police report before deciding if there will be any action against Byers, Burdick said. That could include probation or expulsion.

Administrators will also wait for that report before deciding if any safety or privacy measures at the school should be reexamined, Burdick said.

“The safety of our students is always our primary concern,” he said. “It’s a very serious incident, no question about it. We absolutely want to take every step to make sure our students’ safety and privacy is protected.”

Byers is scheduled to appear in court next on Nov. 27.

Freelance reporter George Houde contributed.

reader pix

Kitty sends in this (undoubtedly viral by now) picture from the office party:
Look at the picture before you read the caption at the bottom.

It’s that awkward moment…
6b3d75f.jpg
…when you realize that your friend’s fat arm makes you look naked in the office party photo.


bad, pussy, bad, bad, pussy