Whenever I encounter one of you, dear readers, the first question is almost always “Is everything back to normal now?”  Maybe it’s ’cause I haven’t been posting publicly about the level of sheer incompetence I encounter almost daily, but the answer is a resounding NO!!!

Case in point #1:  Commonwealth Edison – although I hear Tom now wants his name taken off the letterhead.  The flood wiped out the meter – totally blank.  I start calling Com Ed to replace the meter because each month I pay a bill estimated on a household of two upright freezers, two OLD refrigerators, an older dishwasher, washer and dryer.  Finally I get one person who says the meter has been replaced.  Sure it has…go out and it’s still old Mr. Blanky.  The meter was actually not replaced until the beginning of August and only when an extremely rude “customer service” woman made snide remarks that I was basically too stupid to know if I was using electricity prompted a call to the Illinois Commerce Commission.  ICC took my complaint and promised that Com Ed would be contacting me within 14 days of their receipt of the ICC electronic filing.

It actually took about an hour…ComEd calls and they have never gotten the paperwork that there’s a new meter to read.  But the fact that there have been duplicate billings, billings every 10-12 days and all on an estimated reading since March obviously never sent up warning flags, either.  They set up an appointment for a meter reader.  who doesn’t show.  They set up a second appointment for a meter reader.  who doesn’t show.  I call the ICC.  Third appointment set with supervisor from another district who assures me his reader will be there at the stroke of noon or else.  and he is (EXACTLY!).   ComEd says that I will be billed either historical usage or usage from the August reading (neither of which is, obviously, acceptable).

ComEd doesn’t get around to calling me for about 1 1/2 weeks.  And it’s a new person; the first person isn’t in.  This person claims that ComEd can only give me a billing based on historical usage.  So because they were completely unresponsive to my numerous requests for a new meter, I should be charged either based on double the number of older appliances or August usages (central air) for the period starting in April.  Sure, that makes perfect sense…if you’re brain dead.

Which leads me to case in point #2 – Chase:  Flood insurance check is issued jointly with mortgage company – standard procedure with insurance checks.  Amount is pretty much covering personal belongings, clean up and repair of the front porch, no major structural damage (thank god for small mercies).  I take FEMA check to local Chase branch to ask what to do – insurance division computers down.  Go back in an hour to be told the check must be deposited with them; Chase will issue a partial payment in my name and overnight it via Fedex.  Couple of weeks and still no check so I call.  Check was sent somewhere else.  No tracking information and please call back tomorrow.

Today I go to the Chase branch loaded for bear… Pull out my book and let them deal with their own lackwits.  Bottom line was they were going to reissue the check, which would take about 5 business days, and then overnight it to me (stop if you’ve heard this before).  I took the phone.  She assured me that they didn’t blame me for the misdirected check.  seriously?  I told her that it was her own incompetence that lost the check and no, I did not exclude her, because the entire company was incompetent.  Ask to speak with her supervisor;  I would be handing the phone to Chase man to deal with.  Poor Chase guy kept asking for her supervisor and lackwit kept insisting she could handle it.  So frazzled over the amount of the check – why they could probably pick up a used double-wide for that kind of money – that it took forever before a supervisor picked up…

Whose position was that Chase had the original check and since it was live, they had to put a stop payment on it and reissue it and then send the second check out.  Must be something in the Georgia air.  I said “Since you have the original check and it’s “live,” why don’t you put it in a Fedex overnight envelope and send it up to me?”  Several repetitions before comprehension. Yes, they could do that and my overnight envelope would arrive on Monday.  I ask if they were somehow unaligned with the Earth’s rotation and overnight didn’t mean the same thing.  Chase’s Fedex overnight means business day overnight.  Pay the extra two bucks and get me my money  – Chase can afford it (who’s getting the interest on all these deposited checks, huh?).

Supervisor calls department that mails payments and returns to say the person who handles this claim is out to lunch (oh, the irony of that phrase).  He doesn’t know when she’ll return because it’s a different department (it’s also 2:30 Central time).  I say ask for her supervisor.  He can’t because it’s a different department and he doesn’t know who her supervisor is.

Could point out that he must have a company directory ’cause they’re in the same building, but I just hand the phone back to the beleaguered Chase guy and gather up my stuff to await a return call – ’cause you cain’t fix stupid…still waiting