I periodically get emails from dogs who enjoy the site (wait, does Google Analytics even have a canine category? ).
Here’s the latest email – I’ve taken out the names ’cause he’s shy…why does a dog who licks his butt (I presume) in public even care?
Let’s see, what’s new around here? I continue to beat the alpha bitch to the back of the yard when we’re let out and that pisses her off, so it’s fun to do. Oh, and get this, Owner had the gall to leave me outside for ten minutes to see if maybe I’d play or as she put it “be a real dog” and get my dose of vitamin D. I stood outside the door, scratched up the paint and bitched at her. I mean, really? Who the hell does she think she is? Hasn’t she heard of skin cancer? I needed to be inside to monitor her floor scrubbing skills.
Owner has been “working” 90-110 hours a week. I take my job as muse/supervisor seriously and sit between her calves while she’s on the computer. Every once in awhile I roll my eyes at her to remind her that she really needs to get a handle on her time management skills.
I’ve been forced to eat grain free dog food and for one week my eye goop cleared up. Owner started to get excited, so I made sure to get the eye goop back. I can’t let her feel victorious and get too big for her britches. She’s fat enough; go up another size and our chairs might break.
I have to say the other dogs here are pretty stupid. I’ve always known I was superior to them on so many levels, but we were taking turns chasing each other and I jumped into a hole that “panicky colitis boy” dug and the other dogs ran right over me. They couldn’t find me! I stuck my head up and showed Owner my tooth so she knew where I was and that I was okay and then I hunkered back down in my hiding spot. Those idiots sniffed all around the yard and came up empty.
The Nana woman who sends me pieces of plastic in the mail is coming for a visit. While I’ve been promised many more treats if I’m good, I’ve also been warned that I can’t run around her feet in a circle or throw myself down in front of her and beg for a belly rub or possibly trip her. I’ve already let it be known that since she’s not my blood relative, I don’t have to participate, other than spilled food cleanup duty (if it’s something good).
Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day!