In addition to Mile High Club action packages, Flamingo Air offers dispersal of human remains.  different flights, i hope…

Just a little bit of light reading to keep you going while I’m out running deals.  But I’ve got some advice for P&G they can have for free:  Stop wasting our time with puny value coupons or coupons that require “normal” people to buy two items (since most people don’t WANT to buy both a razor and a refill pack at the same time – duh).

The following article appeared in the Daily Mail (London) last year. From the pix from photo shoots, is it likely that anyone was actually looking at her face ?  and why oh why do I keep thinking of Steven Tyler…

By Tamara Abraham

1st June 2011

As an aspiring model, Priscilla Caputo thought collagen lip injections would help boost her career as well as her looks.

But in a cautionary tale, the 30-year-old, from California, revealed today how she became depressed and suicidal after excessive use of the treatment destroyed her natural beauty.

In a new interview, she admitted she had ‘created a monster’ over the past three years, inflating her lips to cartoon proportions.

Cautionary tale: Priscilla Caputo aged 27 (left) when she had just started using collagen injections, and aged 30 (right) shortly before she realised she had gone too far with the cosmetic treatment

She told the National Enquirer: ‘It’s like when some fat people look in the mirror and they don’t see a fat person. I’d look in the mirror and see somebody who needed a little more help.’

 

Miss Caputo admitted she was blind to the ‘monster’ she was creating, adding that her then boyfriend, a plastic surgeon, carried out the procedures on her.

‘He never said, “Stop, it’s too much,”‘ she revealed. ‘So I just kept going.’

 

Creating a monster: Miss Caputo, who had previously enjoyed a successful modelling career, before the collagen injections (left), starting to get carried away (centre) and her lips at their largest (right)

It wasn’t until she posted pictures of her altered looks on her Facebook page that she realised she had gone too far.

‘I became an internet laughing stock overnight,’ she recalled. ‘There were no more modelling offers.

‘I ended up in therapy with thoughts of suicide. My life turned into a nightmare.’

Now Miss Caputo is on the road to recovery, and without the constant collagen boosters, her lips are slowly returning to their normal size.

Internet laughing stock: Miss Caputo says she now can’t look at pictures of herself without crying, but she hopes her experiences will serve as a warning to other women

She said that she hopes her experience will serve as a warning to other women.

‘I can’t look at these pictures of myself without crying, but I’m willing for people to see them if it helps just one girl avoid the path that I took,’ she explained.

‘Take it from me – you’ll be much happier if you stay with what nature gave you.’

FDA seizes nearly 14% of imported orange juice over fungicide

By Matt Stevens, Los Angeles Times
7:58 PM CST, January 27, 2012

Nearly 14% of orange juice imported to the U.S. since early this month has been seized by the Food and Drug Administration because it contained trace amounts of a fungicide, carbendazim, according to the agency.

FDA officials said the juice was safe to drink but that carbendazim, used to combat a fungus that leaves black spots on tree leaves, was not allowed in the U.S.

“We don’t feel that this is a safety problem,” FDA spokeswoman Siobhan DeLancey said. “This is more of a regulatory issue.

“We don’t have any plans to call for a wholesale recall of orange juice.”

The FDA has also been testing domestically produced orange juice products. DeLancey said results of those tests would be released next week.

The agency began testing imported orange juice in liquid and concentrate form Jan. 4. Beverage giant Coca-Cola Co., which distributes orange juice under the Minute Maid and Simply Orange brands, said it had found the fungicide in its juice and rival juices, and reported the findings to the agency.

Coca-Cola spokesman Dan Schafer declined to comment Friday except to say, “All our products are safe and wholesome, and consumers can enjoy them with confidence.”

The FDA has collected samples from 80 shipments of juice and concentrate since testing began. Six of the seized shipments were from Canada and five from Brazil, DeLancey said. She said she did not know the volume of product in those shipments.

The U.S. imported $438 million worth of orange juice in 2010, according WiserTrade, a Massachusetts-based research organization.

Juice Product Assn. spokeswoman Stephanie Meyering said it was too soon to know how the FDA’s action might affect orange juice sales or prices in the U.S.

The FDA said it would hold on to the seized orange juice products for up to 90 days. The shippers can take the products back during that time or destroy them under agency supervision, DeLancey said.

FDA seized shipments it tested that had a minimum of 10 parts per billion of carbendazim. The agency said the highest level of carbendazim discovered was in a shipment that came from Brazil — it had 52 parts per billion.

DeLancey said the federal Environmental Protection Agency has determined that carbendazim poses no health risks at up to 80 parts per billion.

The Juice Products Assn. said the standard the FDA is following is too strict for concentrated products.

“The juice industry endorses and applauds FDA’s oversight of imported orange juice concentrate,” the trade group said in a statement. “However, juice processors maintain that evaluating orange juice on an ‘as consumed’ basis rather than as concentrate, which no one drinks as is, is the logical and practical way to assure safety for the consumer.”

The trade group said concentrate should not be seized unless it’s found to have the fungicide at 60 parts per billion.

Copyright © 2012, Los Angeles Times

This is another of those bizarre exchanges from DontEvenReply.com with our old friend “Mike.”  As always, put all liquids down and away from the screen.  Swallow anything liquid in your mouth and dump the gum.  You’ve been warned.  Oh, and one other thing:  If you ever get a call or email or text from a “Mike” that starts going south…

From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hey there,

I want your TV. I have $50 cash and can pick it up anytime. What is your number? I’ll call you for directions.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

hi mike. i live at 54 ********* dr. can you get it today? i dont have a phone so just show up and knock on my door. ill be home all day sound good?

From Me to Steve *****:

Sounds good. I’ll be over in a few hours.

Thanks,

Mike

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, I’m on Pughtown Rd right now but I am having trouble finding your house. Can you help me out? I pulled over on Wilson Rd and I’ll wait for your instructions.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i dont live on pughtown. i live on ******** dr. if you turn rite onto pughtown, then rite on bethel rd from pughtown it will take you there.

From Me to Steve *****:

Okay, I turned onto Pughtown again but I don’t see Bethel Rd. I crossed over a river and now it says I am coming up on Route 113. Am I going the right direction?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no. i said make a rite on pughtown. you made a left. turn around and go the other way. your not even close so you have a way to go.

From Me to Steve *****:

Uh…I turned around and I’m still not seeing Bethel. It looks like I’m at Pughtown and Rt. 100. Should I go down that?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

NO! you drove passed bethel dude IT INTERSECTS WITH PUGHTOWN. turn around and it will be on your LEFT

From Me to Steve *****:

I already turned onto Rt. 100 because you took too long to respond. It is kind of hard to turn around on this road. Doesn’t 100 intersect with 113? I’m just going to do that and then loop around back to Pughtown Rd.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no dont do that!! you will be on 100 for like 15 miles before that happens! just turn around and get back on pughtown this should be easy

From Me to Steve *****:

This would be much easier if I could just call you. What is your phone number?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i already told you i dont have a phone. how is this so confusing to you? where are you now?

From Me to Steve *****:

I think I’m on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It says the next exit is King of Prussia in 15 miles. Should I get off at that exit?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

dude why the FUCK would you get on the turnpike? didnt you notice something was wrong WHEN YOU HAD TO GO THRU A FUCKING TOLL???? jesus man you are hopeless!

From Me to Steve *****:

Calm down. No need for profanities. I saw the toll and realized something was wrong, but there wasn’t anywhere for me to turn around so I just went through it. I accidentally went through the EZ-PASS thing instead of the regular toll and I think it took a picture of my license plate. Should I get off at the King of Prussia exit? I just passed a billboard for Geico insurance, if that helps.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i cant help you. you are beyond lost. next time get a fucking GPS if you are this bad with directons

From Me to Steve *****:

Well, I hope you are happy. I just got pulled over for texting while driving, and going 103 in a 65. The cop is running my information right now.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

how the fuck is that my fault!?

From Me to Steve *****:

Apparently my registration and insurance are expired, so they are towing my car. Also, they said there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for not paying some speeding ticket I got last year. They are taking me to a police station in Norristown. The cop said I should be processed in a few hours. Would you be able to bail me out? Bring the TV, too. They are taking my phone now so I won’t be able to talk to you after this.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

are you fucking with me? im sorry dude but you are a fucking idiot and im done dealing withyou

==============================
EPILOGUE – SEVERAL DAYS LATER
==============================

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, it is Mike again. Where were you? You never came to bail me out. I had to get a bail bondsman and now I owe like $1500. On top of that, they found a bowl and some weed in my car, and a little bit of cocaine. I’m getting charged with possession, which is going to cost me a fortune. Plus my speeding ticket which is going to be over $200. Seeing as this is your fault, I think you should pay me at least $500 as compensation. I don’t know when I will get my car back so you will have to bring the $500 to me. I live in West Chester, when can you come with the money? Also, bring the TV.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

listen up you stupid fuckhead. i gave you the easiest directons and you still got fucking lost. did i ask you to go on the turnpike and get pulled over for speeding like a fucking idiot? did i ask you to have drugs in your car? NO. you must be smoking crack if you think im giving you $500 and the tv. im surprised the cops didnt find crack in your car you fucking crackhead. none of this is my fault you are just a fucking dipshit that cant follow directons so fuck the fuck off and never email me again!!!!

oh and i sold the tv to someone else and the guy had no problems finding my house cause HES NOT A FUCKING MORON

 Dear E. Jean:  I worked for a top tech company and have recently quit to stay home with my baby. Up until now, I’ve been the only source of financial support for my 36-year-old brother. I’m paying my mom’s mortgage, which I love doing because she worked hard for us throughout her life, but I’ve been paying for everything for my brother—his grad-school tuition, living expenses, even his cable bills. (We come from a culture that lavishes resources on the first-born son, so he expects it.) He calls my mom a “stupid, lazy woman” because she had two jobs and still couldn’t pay for his PhD program. He gives us excuses why he can’t find employment, such as his being “too smart” and “overqualified.” My husband (for obvious reasons) refuses to foot his bills anymore. But now that I’m no longer commanding a high salary, I feel guilty that I can’t be more supportive of my brother, and it’s eating me alive! —Sister in Hell

Miss Hell, My Holly Sprig:  You have your own family now—though your brother still sees himself as the baby—and the kindest, most generous, most compassionate action you can take is to hurl his 36-year-old butt out of the nest. I know it’s difficult to say no to him. Invite him over for dinner and either show him your monthly expenses as proof you don’t have an extra dollar to spare…or hand him a gin and tonic, slap him on the back, and tell him now that he’s an uncle, you and your husband are eagerly looking forward to his monthly donations to the child’s college fund.

Nothing horrible, but this column always makes me laugh.  It’s from November, 2010.

 Dear E. Jean: I’m married, I’m in my thirties, and I don’t like my husband. We hardly ever kiss, and we never cuddle. I was willing to suffer through long nights because of our two kids, but this meant I was living a very lonely life.

Then, two months ago at an office banquet, I met Mr. X, my husband’s new project director. I love to dance, and my husband doesn’t, so I danced five songs with Mr. X. We fell in love that night. Since then, he’s come to dinner with my husband and praised my cooking and decorating. We began texting about design and furniture (he’s a bachelor buying for his new apartment), and the texts turned romantic. I’ve confessed my love for him, and he’s said he loves me too. Mr. X is very young (10 years younger than me), is ambitious, and wants a family (I can’t have any more children), and we cry and laugh together over our predicament. We have not slept together yet—only hugged. Please help!—What’s Happened to Me?

What’s, my dear: My God! You married women really know how to dance! Hardly any dudes have fallen for Auntie Eeee in five songs. (No. It takes at least six, plus a 12-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.) So I’m not going to hurl any moral protests.

However, unless you possess the nerves of Tammy Wynette (who tore nearly half a dozen husbands limb from limb) and are brave enough, and honest enough, to announce to your own personal spouse that you want to be free to love whom you love, then, alas, I’m afraid you must break it off before the lad loses his job and your family is split like Hank Williams’ royalties. (His wives fought for years over who had legal claim to the money.)

You mentioned at the beginning of your letter that you were living a “lonely life.” Is it too late to cease thinking of your husband as Mr. Grim-and-Dim and imagine he may be lonesome too? Can you put on an amusing frock, meet him for cocktails, and—I understand this is a gong-kicker—confess you’d like to…cuddle? Or take line-dancing lessons together? Or escape for a weekend in the country? Is there no hope of having fun together?

If not (and, really, enjoying each other and the children is the only sane reason to be married), then perhaps it’s best to try a couples renewal retreat and see if a little therapy might help. If it doesn’t, meet with a lawyer and consider the steps you should take to exit the marriage. I’m not certain women with the goddesslike power to make men fall in love in five songs should ever enter wedlock.